Tag: Relationships

With this in mind I thought I’d share “The Mum Phone Contract” with you. This is aimed at teenagers, but there is some timely wisdom here for adults too:

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mum" or "Dad". Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night and every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's landline, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.

7. Do not use this technology to lie to, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. No porn.

10. Turn it off, silence it, or put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

11. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.

12. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

13. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO – fear of missing out.

14. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

15. Play a game with words or puzzles or brainteasers every now and then.

16. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling.

17. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Now, there’s some wise advice. Now, where’s my iPhone?

There are a number of problems associated with technology addiction:

1. Chronic Multitasking: An experiment at Stanford University revealed that heavy media multitaskers were less efficient, had difficulty ignoring irrelevant information and became faster but sloppier with work.  Chronic stress from multitasking can also make your brain’s memory centre more vulnerable to damage.

2. Diminished Social Skills: The addicted person “drifts away from fundamental social skills, such as reading facial expressions or grasping the emotional context of a subtle gesture” – Dr. Gary Small.

3. Techno-Brain Burnout: This term describes the fatigued, foggy, irritable and distracted feeling you get when you’ve spent hours in front of a screen.  This is because your brain alerts your adrenal glands to secrete the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. Over time this can impair the areas of your brain that control thought and mood.

In iBrain, Dr. Gary Small includes this self-assessment so you can gauge your level of technology addiction.  Answer each question and give yourself a score from 1 to 7 based on this scale. 

1-2 USUALLY, 
3-5 SOMETIMES,
6-7 RARELY:

• Do you snap at people when they interrupt you while you're online or using a mobile device?
 • Do you use technology to escape uncomfortable feelings or situations in your life?

• Does the time you spend engaged in tech-related activities interfere with your work or social life?

• Are you defensive or secretive about your computer gaming or other tech-based activities?

• Do people complain about the time you spend on the Internet or using other technology?

If you score ABOVE 25
 you are not a tech addict. 

15 TO 25 
you show addictive tendencies. 

BELOW 15
 you just might be hooked

What can you do if you are addicted to technology?

1. Learn to live for the moment.  In other words, resist the temptation to tweet or update your Facebook status while you’re enjoying something.  Do it afterwards.  And remember, not every random thought that enters your head needs to be uploaded onto social media.

2. Create quiet moments.  Have times when all screens and mobile devices are turned off.  Don’t take phones into meetings, switch them off while having dinner or catching up with friends, turn off alerts and alarms and ban screens from the bedroom.

3. Live a healthy lifestyle.  This includes at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise each day; minimising stress by staying connected with family and friends; eating a brain healthy diet (fish, fruits, vegetables), and balancing online time with offline time. Which reminds me, I think it is almost time for me to sign off.


Supplement: Technology Addiction in Children

Technology addiction is not just an adult problem either.  One in five Aussie kids spend so much time surfing the Internet that they miss out on meals and sleep.  Edith Cowan University researchers have revealed that "excessive internet use" is twice as common in Australian children as British kids.  More than half the children confessed they waste so much time online that they "have spent less time” than they should have with family, friends or doing homework.  Sixty per cent said they had caught themselves surfing when they were "not really interested".  And half "felt bothered" when they could not get online.

Child psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg advises parents to ban all "screens" – from TVs to computers, tablets and smartphones – from children's bedrooms, and no screen time for children younger than two.  KICK the kids outside – for every hour in front of a screen, they should spend an hour in active play.  Make sure your kids get sufficient sleep.

But the purpose of theology is not just knowing about God and truth but knowing how God feels about and interacts with people.  Over the years I have met many people who know far more theology than me.  They are able to argue their case convincingly on any theological subject.  They cross every “T” and dot every “I”.  But something is missing.  These same people are often harsh and unbending and they tend to lack grace.  They put theology before people.  Jesus turned this around – that’s why he was always in trouble with the religious authorities of his day.

In John chapter 5,  Jesus comes across a man who had been an invalid for 37 years.  Jesus healed him telling him “get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”  It should have been a day of great rejoicing but those who saw theology as more important than people said, "It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat." What a bizarre response to a man who had just been healed of a 37-year disability.

Jesus was scathing of such people.  On one occasion he said to them, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices – mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law – justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel” (Matt 23:23-24).

On another occasion Jesus and his disciples were eating with “tax collectors and sinners.”  These were the most shunned people by the theologians of the day.  In fact “sinners” were people who deliberately and persistently transgressed the requirements of the law.  The religious leaders criticised Jesus for eating with such people.  In response to this Jesus gave them some homework to do, “go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy not sacrifice.’”  A few chapters later in Matthew 12 these same theologians are once again criticising Jesus and his followers.  Jesus responded, “If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent.”  They hadn’t done their homework; they hadn’t learned to put people before theology.

And this has been a sad reality through much of church history.  For hundreds of years many Christians, Jews and Muslims suffered at the hands of various Roman Catholic Popes.  It’s estimated that somewhere around 100 million people died during these times.  Those who were viewed at heretics were tortured, had property confiscated, received lengthy secret imprisonment, secret trials, and death by burning. The inquisitions and crusades are a massive blot on church history and amongst some of the worst examples of those who put theology before people.

But it wasn’t just Roman Catholics who were guilty of this.  Many of the Protestant Reformers, including John Calvin and Martin Luther, called for corporal and capital punishment on those they deemed as heretics as well as against Jews.

Over the centuries theology has been used to justify racial discrimination, the slave trade, persecution of scientists, the subservience of non-white people, the subjugation of women, the prohibition of inter-racial marriages, the persecution of non-heterosexual people and the demonising of refugees and asylum seekers.

Just mentioning some of these things of course will unleash a stream of unkind and unchristian emails and blogs from those who are still guilty of putting theology before people, before compassion, before mercy.  The religious fundamentalists still haven’t done the homework; still haven’t learned the lesson – and they probably never will.

Tolerance is the new buzzword.  Google it and you’ll get 138 million results in 14 seconds!

There is a modern myth that holds that true tolerance equals agreement – that the tolerant person occupies a place of complete impartiality where each person is permitted to decide for himself. No judgments allowed. No forcing personal views.  But that is not what tolerance is all about.

According to Webster’s New World Dictionary the word tolerance means “to allow or to permit, to recognize and respect others’ beliefs and practices without sharing them, to bear or put up with someone or something not necessarily liked.

Tolerance, then, involves three things: (1) Permitting or allowing; (2) A conduct or point of view one disagrees with; (3) While respecting the person in the process.

True tolerance is not about agreement – it’s just the opposite.  If I agree with a person’s viewpoint I have no need of tolerance.  It’s only when I disagree that tolerance needs to be exercised.

Today, however, we have distorted tolerance from defending the rights of those who hold different beliefs from us to affirming all beliefs as equally valid and correct. This “new tolerance” is not only socially dangerous and intellectually debilitating it also leads to genuine intolerance of all who struggle to hold fast to their beliefs.  This is particularly true for those of us who wish to hold fast to a Biblical worldview.  Cardinal George Pell put it this way: “Ironically, intolerance of Christianity and Christian culture is proclaimed most often in the name of tolerance: Christianity must not be tolerated because of the need for greater tolerance.”

This has been seen in a number of ways in recent times.  For example, the debate surrounding the abortion law in Victoria. Pro-abortion commentators attacked “conscientious objection” as nothing more than a way for doctors and nurses to impose their morality on their patients.

Antidiscrimination laws are also raising serious freedom-of-religion issues for churches in counseling, education, the hiring of facilities, and employment of staff.

Intolerant tolerance could also threaten the belief that there is only one way to God – a view that is not only taught in Christianity but also by Islam and many other religious groups.  As a Christian I believe that salvation is only found in Jesus Christ.  People of other religious faith (or of no faith) would disagree with me.  That’s when tolerance kicks in.  I am tolerant of the fact that others hold other views and I expect those same people to be tolerant of me – and we are to be respectful and kind towards each other in the process.

I believe it’s in the area of respect and kindness that the “tolerance” debate is seriously missing out these days.  If we disagree with someone we are told we are intolerant, homophobic, unchristian, judgmental and the like. People who are crying out for tolerance are in turn intolerant of others who hold – and are entitled to – a different opinion.

Christians should be leading the way in expressing tolerance towards others because we claim to have a relationship with a God who reveals Himself to be tolerant: “do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” (Romans 2:4)

Tolerance comes from the Greek word “Anochēs” which means “the ability to put up with things.”  This is wonderful truth.  If you have messed up, God is not looking to get you back and beat you up. God is rich in the ability to put up with things. He is exercising patience and kindness towards you as an attractive force that ultimately draws you to him so he can forgive you.

Sadly some Christians are not tolerant. They will not put up with anything. If you sin you’re out the door. They are not tolerant because they do not know the tolerance of God.

Two Baptist pastors from the US clearly illustrated this intolerance recently.  Pastor Charles Worley told the 100 or so congregants at Providence Road Baptist Church in North Carolina, “I figured a way out, a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers but I couldn’t get it past the Congress – build a great big large fence, 50 or a hundred mile long. Put all the lesbians in there, fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. And have that fence electrified so they can’t get out.  And you know what? In a few years they will die out. You know why? They can’t reproduce. If a man ever has a young’un, praise God he will be the first.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2839yEazcs

About the same time Pastor Sean Harris of Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville, NC said this in a sermon, “Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTiBv99MYDk

God is gracious! God can put up with things – but obviously these pastors can’t.  Christians need to lead the way in demonstrating true tolerance to the world around us – not agreeing with everyone, but rather allowing others to hold different points of view while maintaining respect, kindness and patience.

In the meantime it appears that all views are equal, but some views are more equal than others!

The Bible tells us that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).  He didn’t wait for us to change our behaviour or even our beliefs – He died for us, accepted us and told us we belong with Him.

We would do well to follow His example.  When we get it wrong it causes people to be alienated from Jesus rather than drawn to Him.  This must break God’s heart as He is “not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

In my early years as a Christian I attended a church that emphasized behaviour and belief as conditions for belonging and acceptance.  As a young guy with long hair, an earring and op shop clothes, there was great pressure on me to get my hair cut, take the earring out and buy a suit and tie.  Emphasis was placed on certain beliefs as well and people who didn’t embrace these beliefs were shunned rather than accepted.

Repeatedly Jesus demonstrated the importance of acceptance first.  Consider His parable of the Lost Son as well as His interaction with the woman at the well (John 4) and the woman caught in adultery (John 8).  He taught us to love and accept people just as they are.

People who are safe in the knowledge that they belong and are unconditionally loved and accepted will be in a position where the Holy Spirit can work in their life to bring the change that He wants.

Make a choice not to usurp the role of the Holy Spirit.  He will bring the desired change.  Our job is to love and accept people as well as provide an environment where people belong – a safe place where radical change is possible.

To have only rules leads to rebellion, fear and seclusion.  To have only relationship leads to over familiarity, insecurity and out-of-control behaviour.  Let’s face it; we’ve all had experiences with people whose children have no rules – only relationship.  These people seem to be totally unaware of how obnoxious their kids really are – and why they’re rarely invited a second time!

Right from the beginning God has been interested in relationship with rules.  With the first humans he enjoyed perfect relationship, but there were also rules to be observed (see Genesis 2-3).  When the rules were broken the relationship was changed – and not for the better.

Throughout time God has sought to be in fellowship with people.  The Bible is an account of many of these relationships as well as the rules that were to be followed to make sure the relationships were protected.  The Ten Commandments, which really are still the foundation of any healthy society, are a classic example of this.  Let’s face it relationships are never at their best when things like adultery, lying, covetousness and stealing are prevalent.

About two thousand years ago God visited planet earth in human form – the person we know as Jesus.  His purpose?  To let people know he is still interested in having relationship with them.  But, just like it was in the beginning, this relationship comes with rules, one rule in fact, to love (John 13:34).  This love is to be directed towards God as well as to others: Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-40).  Love God and love others.  As the apostle Paul says, “He who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “Do not commit adultery,” “Do not murder,” “Do not steal,” “Do not covet,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law” (Romans 13:8-10).

The beginning of a New Year is a great time to reassess our lives and to make sure that both of these ingredients – rules and relationship – are in their proper place.  Is your walk with God a legalistic one?  If so, realise afresh that his main desire for you is to be in relationship with him, to enjoy his presence and blessing in your life.

Conversely though, it is vital that we don’t slip into the error of antinomianism: a sixteenth century term coined by Martin Luther to describe those who believed that the Gospel frees us from required obedience to any law.  A Christian walk without rules leads to a sloppy, feel good, experience-based faith.  If that describes you then it’s time to remind yourself of what the Lord requires, to repent and to live your life by his timeless rules.

Rules and relationship: let’s hold these timeless truths in balance like the two wings on a plane.  That’s the best way to fly straight as we head into the wonderful future God has planned for all his people.

 

This question is usually asked because of the exclusive nature of the Christian faith. That is, Christians believe it is only through the completed work of Jesus on the cross and His subsequent resurrection, that a person can have a relationship with God. I believe that! Bible verses such as these are used to substantiate this:

In John 14:6, Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Acts 4:12 states “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

The problem arises when the exclusiveness of the Christian faith leads to a lack of tolerance and respect towards those of other faiths. Some Christians have been guilty of this for centuries – and those of other faiths have been equally guilty.

I believe that Jesus calls all people to live lives of love, tolerance and respect towards others. This is particularly born out in Jesus’ story of the Good Samaritan, in which he illustrates what it means to love our neighbour.  A Jewish man is robbed. Two people of like faith show no compassion towards him. Then along comes a man of another faith – a Samaritan – and it is he who shows the qualities of compassion, love and respect. Jesus teaches that loving our neighbour means showing these qualities even towards those with whom we disagree. People of all religions would do well to heed Jesus’ teaching on this.

Even a casual look on the internet reveals the amount of persecution that is still going on in the world today – Christians being persecuted by Muslims; Muslims being persecuted by Christians; Buddhists being persecuted by Christians and Muslims; Christians being persecuted by Buddhists; Christians persecuting Hindus and vice versa – you get the picture?  No wonder many people sit back and want nothing to do with religion.

As Christians we need to learn to move beyond the stereotypes. Yes, there are people with evil plans in every religion, but there are far more people of each religion who are good.

While we were on holiday last year in Malaysia I met two such people – two Muslim guys from Saudi Arabia. They were in their mid-twenties and we met over a game of water volleyball. Later that afternoon we sat together drinking tea and chatting about the differences and similarities in each other’s culture and faith.  It was one of the most enjoyable conversations I’d had in ages and, dare I say, the presence of God was very evident while we chatted. This encounter reminded me of how similar human beings are. We might have differences in skin colour, eye shape, language, religion and culture; but we are all made in the image of God and we all came from the same parents – originally. 

So, while we continue to hold to the exclusivity of our faith, let us also reach out in love, compassion, respect and tolerance to those who are different – and discover the similarities.  One thing I know – this pleases the heart of God.

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Christians are accused of being too focused on getting converts and likened to telemarketers according to research conducted by David Kinnaman for the Barna Foundation.

While it horrifies me to think that Christians are seen to pester, in response to this criticism I would say, “Yes, I am out to convert people to Jesus because I believe He is the way and the truth and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him” (See John 14:6).

I believe people need to come to a point of personally accepting what Jesus Christ has done for them through His death and resurrection.  I believe that apart from Jesus people go to an eternity that is separated from God.  I believe that God’s will is for no one to perish but for everyone to come to repentance.  I believe God wants everyone to experience His abundant life now and eternal life forever.  On the basis of these beliefs, I share my faith in Jesus with others.  I tell people what He has done for me.  I tell them that He loves them too and wants the very best for them now and forever.

The problem, however, is the approach of some Christians to this task so that people feel targeted rather than befriended – a love with hooks.  In the book Unchristian, David Kinnaman says, “While we’re trying to convey the most important message in human history – that Jesus offers a new life through faith in him – something gets lost in translation … rather than being genuinely interested in people for their friendship, we often seem like spiritual headhunters.”

The solution to this perception is developing genuine relationships.  It is vitally important for Christians to demonstrate genuine interest and care towards others – love without hooks!  Listen to what the apostle Paul says about this: “Just as I myself strive to please [to accommodate myself to the opinions, desires, and interests of others, adapting myself to] all men in everything I do, not aiming at or considering my own profit and advantage, but that of the many in order that they may be saved.”  The word “please” literally means, “to seek to be agreeable.”  There is no room for obnoxious Bible-bashing in real Christianity!

Check out these words of wisdom:  “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15-16).  “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone … Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth…” – gentleness, respect, kindness.  Now that’s refreshing!

Being a real Christian means that you will develop genuine relationships with others whereby they may be influenced (over the process of time) and transformed by Jesus who lives in and through you!  But if people never embrace your faith – never stop embracing them, because real Christianity is genuine!